Where's your head at?!

Bill Donnelly / 24.06.2010

Racers,

We must look at the concept of pain/discomfort. For some of us, discomfort creeps in after 12 hours or so, for others maybe not for a day. I swing in the direction of sooner rather than later. It begins days in advance when dreams are haunted with dark horses trampling my chest, or with being entwined in the spokes of my bike like a twig while I am somehow still peddling along. We all do the slow-mo run dreams and the two day late arrivals. We paddle the boat with the bottom up. We lose our partners to sharks. We see our shadow running towards us brandishing giant scythes. Yes, friends, the psycho/emotional side of Adventure Racing can be a force with which to swing.

I employ crying or yelling before, during, and after a race. A great release of pain, frustration, anxiety, petulance, and pestilence. Last year, during a mid-race psychotic break, I saw myself as a prince who was high in a maple tree with no apparent way down, weeping for salvation. It came in the form of a Princess Rising, holding my foot and lowering me to the ground. The nettles got my attention and I gambolled to CP9.

Another time midstream/mid-dream I floated to the clouds, to the other side of pain, to the gypsy angels. We all sang. We all played mysterious musical instruments, stringed and winded. We all danced with spring and expression. We held each other closely and whispered about our deaths. Eventually we slowed, quieted and they asked me about water, as they had always lived above the rain. I could not describe it with words, so I sailed and flowed and let my tears fall. They were entranced, producing a thousand fingers to touch me and spirit my eyes. They lowered me to T4 having completed a paddle leg without a boat.

No one knows what is in us.

Yours,

Bill Donnelly

The One Who Strives for Mediocrity